AVPD, like all personality disorders, leads to a lifelong pattern of unhealthy behaviors.
These patterns and a highly negative self-perception cause problems not only for individuals with the disorder, but also for those around them.
For both men and women, emotional availability determines the potential strength of commitment, which is insurance against desertion or infidelity. “[Avoidant and anxious] attachment styles complement each other.
Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships.
The film Fatal Attraction (quite an excellent performance by Glenn Close) and the recent court case of Jodi Arias come to mind.
What do all the films and print stories have in common? Dating a person with BPD is not part of your deal – or so you thought.
” Sooner rather than later he starts to resent walking on eggshells around his lover.Self-sufficiency and detachment increased odds of survival.Levine and Heller observe that we are programmed to seek out emotional intelligence in the form of emotional availability when seeking a mate.Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the level of hormones in our blood.…Dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or preference.”If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person to depend on and travel down it with that person.…The ability to step into the world on our own often stems fro the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on – this is the “dependency paradox.”“If we are unsure whether the person closest to us, our romantic partner, truly believes in us and supports us and will be there for us in times of need, we’ll find it much harder to maintain focus and engage in life.
When our partners are thoroughly dependable and make us feel safe, and especially if they know how to reassure us during the hard times, we can turn out attention to all the other respects of life that make our existence meaningful.”Different attachment styles most likely evolved due to variable environmental conditions. All beginnings are lovely – or so the sage proclaims. Two individuals come together – attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment and life styles collide – and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship.